For the past 27 years of my existence many people have come and gone in my life. There are those however, the lucky few, who come in, and stay. Those are what we call family. Last night my family got together to wish off someone who has been in my life the entire 27 years I've existed. It is strange to think that she'll be oceans away, but thanks for facebook I'll know what she's having for breakfast!
Anyway, last night was really a reminder of how fortunate I am and anyone else who is lucky enough to be apart of my family (which we still have some single folks for anyone who's looking to get in!). Experts have long preached how families need to be stable and well-rounded for the well being of children. I was researching that, but got board and annoyed with all the websites I found. Just look that one up for yourself. My opinion on what the experts say doesn't even matter in this case because my family is walking proof that all a family really needs is a bunch of love and someone who knows how to cook good food! (and sometimes a cooler of beer)
We probably have one of the most diverse and dramatic families, and we never know who's not talking to who, but when it all boils down to it we all love each other. No matter what I know I can count on my family and my family knows they can count on me and I thank God for each and every one of them every day. (how ever many there are of us now!)
So for the well being of my family, never change my dear family, please never ever change.
What do you say to that, experts??
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
To cry or not to cry? To hold or not to hold?
If you walk down the baby isle of any department store you'll find a variety of gizmos and gadgets that we are told are all major necessities when it comes to caring for a newborn. You'll find swings, bouncies, cribs, cradles, strollers, car-seats, walkers, bouncers, poppy pillows, baby seats, play mats, play pens, high-chairs and the list just goes on and on and on. All these things say they are there to soothe and comfort your baby, and all designed so that you don't have to hold your baby to give them comfort. All these things are places to put your baby besides your arms. What happens when these things DON'T soothe your baby? What did people back in the day who didn't have a fancy vibrating chair do when their baby cried? Did they hold them, or did they let them cry?
Early humans didn't let their babies cry. In fact, many cultures today don't let their babies cry. They wear them during the day, so they have easy access to the breast, and sleep with them at night. When a baby cries, it tells any predators within earshot where the humans are. This is not a big deal in our society, but for other cultures and primitive peoples, it could be disastrous.
Why is it today we feel such a need to create so many devices to keep our babies away from us?
"Most parents routinely put their baby in a stroller when they go for a walk, or they take their baby's car seat out of the car and carry him inside and keep him in his car seat while they shop or visit with friends. There are times when some of these baby gadets are necessary and good for a baby and helpful in keeping a parent's sanity intact, but sadly, some babies end up spending very little time in their parents' arms." (www.gentleparents.com)
Infant carrier style car seats are so big and bulky that when I found out I was pregnant I didn't even want one. I remember when my oldest daughter was an infant carrying her around in that car seat was the biggest hassle. It made for more work and way less comfort. I knew there had to be a better way to get around with such a small and precious package. That's when I started to explore other options and learned about the idea of baby wearing.
I initially liked the idea because by wearing my baby it left both hands free to do things around the house and to keep up with my four year old at the same time. I'd be able to wear my new baby while my old baby still got free reign in the shopping cart, I'd be able to push baby number one on the swing at the park while baby number two watched comfortably, nestled in my sling/pouch.
The question came up about a baby becoming too clingy or too needy from being held too much, that a baby can become spoiled and use to being held so much that it knows nothing else. the truth is babies lived in a small, warm home for nine months, and they only want the same feeling outside the womb. How is it that showing them some comfort is the crazy new environment is spoiling them? It's true, they don't know anything else, and just like any normal human when you cut something away that is well known and loved it can my someone upset! (I know I get real upset if I don't get my morning cup of coffee that I know and love and am oh so use to). Babies miss the warmth and closeness they had when they lived inside their mamma's womb and need time to adjust to this world.
" Many new parents worry that carrying or holding their new baby will inhibit their independence or even prevent them from learning to walk. If this were the case, babies all over the world - many of which are carried most of their waking hours for their entire first year - would never learn to crawl, walk, run, or play with other children! But these babies do learn to do these things.
You will find that your baby is going to grow up too quickly and soon will not want to be held or cuddled. Therefore, when you have the chance and the time, hold your baby as much as you want - and forget what others will tell you." (www.kidsgrowth.com)
I've learned through my internet research of the hold vs. cry debate that it seems to be a fairly new concept in our society to always be sure and comfort new babies. If you ask older generations they'll tell you that it's best to let a baby learn to self-soothe because it helps them to be more interdependent, and constant holding will only wear the parent out.
Pick up any child development textbook and you'll read that between 2-3 months the infant begins figuring out it is a separate being from it's mother. With this awareness comes separation anxiety or the fear that the mother will never come back. (This lasts from 2-4 months.) This is made worse by the fact that infants cannot yet recall the past. They don't remember that LAST TIME you came back. They only know you set them down and are leaving them NOW and are unsure of the future so they cry because they truly do NEED you. Whimpering and screaming are two completely different things and any parent (especially mothers) who hears their child screaming has an initial instinct to pick them up and comfort them. Why would we have such an instinct if this is only going to be harmful to our baby?
"If a baby could talk and bring its feelings into adult expression, it might say things like “Mommy, I’m over-tired and cold, and I wish you would just hold me.” Would you answer, “No?” Baby is communicating through its various cries and it is not hard to learn to interpret the language. Instincts and common sense go a long way toward answering the question of appropriate responses to babies cries. Think about this. We know that people who are abused as children frequently grow up to be abusers. Children who are demeaned grow up to have low self worth. Doesn’t it make sense to assume that foundational responses such as comfort and reassurance have similar impact in baby’s development?" (http://jonsquillministries.org)
We seem to live in an age when many parents want to handle their babies as little as possible. Instead of being carried from place to place, they are carried in infant seats. There are bouncers and swings, gadgets to prop bottles, and chairs in which to prop babies so they can sit with assistance but no one has to hold them. Perhaps less developed cultures had the right idea. I think instead of teaching my newborn baby and my four year old to figure things out for themselves when the going gets tough I'm going to teach them that they can trust me to be there, they can count on me, and that I love them.
Early humans didn't let their babies cry. In fact, many cultures today don't let their babies cry. They wear them during the day, so they have easy access to the breast, and sleep with them at night. When a baby cries, it tells any predators within earshot where the humans are. This is not a big deal in our society, but for other cultures and primitive peoples, it could be disastrous.
Why is it today we feel such a need to create so many devices to keep our babies away from us?
"Most parents routinely put their baby in a stroller when they go for a walk, or they take their baby's car seat out of the car and carry him inside and keep him in his car seat while they shop or visit with friends. There are times when some of these baby gadets are necessary and good for a baby and helpful in keeping a parent's sanity intact, but sadly, some babies end up spending very little time in their parents' arms." (www.gentleparents.com)
Infant carrier style car seats are so big and bulky that when I found out I was pregnant I didn't even want one. I remember when my oldest daughter was an infant carrying her around in that car seat was the biggest hassle. It made for more work and way less comfort. I knew there had to be a better way to get around with such a small and precious package. That's when I started to explore other options and learned about the idea of baby wearing.
I initially liked the idea because by wearing my baby it left both hands free to do things around the house and to keep up with my four year old at the same time. I'd be able to wear my new baby while my old baby still got free reign in the shopping cart, I'd be able to push baby number one on the swing at the park while baby number two watched comfortably, nestled in my sling/pouch.
The question came up about a baby becoming too clingy or too needy from being held too much, that a baby can become spoiled and use to being held so much that it knows nothing else. the truth is babies lived in a small, warm home for nine months, and they only want the same feeling outside the womb. How is it that showing them some comfort is the crazy new environment is spoiling them? It's true, they don't know anything else, and just like any normal human when you cut something away that is well known and loved it can my someone upset! (I know I get real upset if I don't get my morning cup of coffee that I know and love and am oh so use to). Babies miss the warmth and closeness they had when they lived inside their mamma's womb and need time to adjust to this world.
" Many new parents worry that carrying or holding their new baby will inhibit their independence or even prevent them from learning to walk. If this were the case, babies all over the world - many of which are carried most of their waking hours for their entire first year - would never learn to crawl, walk, run, or play with other children! But these babies do learn to do these things.
You will find that your baby is going to grow up too quickly and soon will not want to be held or cuddled. Therefore, when you have the chance and the time, hold your baby as much as you want - and forget what others will tell you." (www.kidsgrowth.com)
I've learned through my internet research of the hold vs. cry debate that it seems to be a fairly new concept in our society to always be sure and comfort new babies. If you ask older generations they'll tell you that it's best to let a baby learn to self-soothe because it helps them to be more interdependent, and constant holding will only wear the parent out.
Pick up any child development textbook and you'll read that between 2-3 months the infant begins figuring out it is a separate being from it's mother. With this awareness comes separation anxiety or the fear that the mother will never come back. (This lasts from 2-4 months.) This is made worse by the fact that infants cannot yet recall the past. They don't remember that LAST TIME you came back. They only know you set them down and are leaving them NOW and are unsure of the future so they cry because they truly do NEED you. Whimpering and screaming are two completely different things and any parent (especially mothers) who hears their child screaming has an initial instinct to pick them up and comfort them. Why would we have such an instinct if this is only going to be harmful to our baby?
"If a baby could talk and bring its feelings into adult expression, it might say things like “Mommy, I’m over-tired and cold, and I wish you would just hold me.” Would you answer, “No?” Baby is communicating through its various cries and it is not hard to learn to interpret the language. Instincts and common sense go a long way toward answering the question of appropriate responses to babies cries. Think about this. We know that people who are abused as children frequently grow up to be abusers. Children who are demeaned grow up to have low self worth. Doesn’t it make sense to assume that foundational responses such as comfort and reassurance have similar impact in baby’s development?" (http://jonsquillministries.org)
We seem to live in an age when many parents want to handle their babies as little as possible. Instead of being carried from place to place, they are carried in infant seats. There are bouncers and swings, gadgets to prop bottles, and chairs in which to prop babies so they can sit with assistance but no one has to hold them. Perhaps less developed cultures had the right idea. I think instead of teaching my newborn baby and my four year old to figure things out for themselves when the going gets tough I'm going to teach them that they can trust me to be there, they can count on me, and that I love them.
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